Just because…

I got my first pay cheque and trust me its the best you could ever feel…! I couldn’t go the temple as I had thought I would because it was raining terribly. I just got chocolates for me and my sister. Felt somewhat different. Not having to ask Pa any more for money and stuff. Liberating, yes, but then somehow felt like I lost on something.

And finally R and I are a bit okay after long long time. He’s probably coming down next weekend. We haven’t had any amount of time to ourselves at all after all the shit that we went through. So I am just hoping it gets better like it always has been after each troubled time! It’ll be my first treat to him and Bebo for this celebratory independence thing! And some really nice gifts for my parents. I just wish Granpa could be there and I could buy something for him from my first salary.

Anyways, here’s to the new found happiness and some things falling into place finally! And also…just because I finally felt a bit okay…after so long…

So have you ever been on your own before?

A few days ago , omeone at work asked me this. Don’t know why but it really struck me. Yeah…this is THE first time I am on my own…! It’s difficult, having nobody around to help but yes it’s new and am sure it’s going to be fine. Bebo’s there with me but she’s such a kid! I just cant stop pampering her…

I’ve started cooking, completely, each and every meal of the day. Just basic stuff as of now, but it’s fun. The toughest part is to decide what to eat! And I love feeding Bebo like anything! She hasn’t lost a bit of weight this time and that makes us (me, Ma n Pa) soooo happy!

At home front, Ma n Pa had been to Haridwar for some last rites for Granpa. They are back home. Must be really tired (it’s long a journey). Its the last ritual today at home and then there will be the condolence dinner thing. I just wish I could be home at this point. I pains me to see my Dad going through all this trouble in such difficult times.

Love life is like anything but lovely. Don’t know…past few months have been to say the least, traumatic. I’ve been doing really crazy and mad stuff but that’s the absolute aquarian trait that I have – eccentricity. And also super cold behavior towards R. I just wish he comes down here asap and we get back together like we were earlier… It’s just that some memories don’t just go away and they keep haunting you! R if you are reading this…please please please spend some time with me…with “us”… It’ll all be great again!

I’ll get my first pay cheque tomorrow and I just cant wait for it to come. I’ve so many plans. First and foremost to visit the temple and thank the Almighty! and then of course to buy loads n loads of presents for my family and loads of stuff for my home. Yeah! my new home. I stay completly alone. It’s fun though. You can do whatever you wanna do, sleep when you want to, watch what you want to, eat, drink, dance, sing, everything and anything and there’s no one around to say anything at all!

Freedom, must say!

A long, long time ago…

Its been very long…since my last post. The last few months of my life were such a blur. I had some really good moments…some that I’ll probably cherish forever in my life. And some…I wish I had a Shift+Delete button from them.

The most important and memorable phase of life…College… was over..! Thesis almost killed me. Towards the end, I was almost like a zombie not having slept for the last 3 weeks before the final jury. I was just okay with my work. (I am never satisfied when work’s concerned) But then everything went well. Just that the model person screwed up my model completely. But the jury went well and I was happy with some of the work I had done.

Then came the worst part of it…the goodbye. To the friends made in last 5 years. To the persons with whom every small detail of life was shared in the last five years. To the people who made college life what it was, who gave us reasons to smile, laugh, fight, cry, everything! We all had promised not to cry at all…and thankfully no one did. We went everywhere one last time where we had always wanted to. Even after having spent 3 weeks not sleeping we still didn’t sleep and spent all the time together talking, sharing, laughing, taking pictures and keeping those memories in our hearts forever. One by one everyone left and it was like leaving back another family behind… We all are still in touch. Everyone gets almost every detail of what’s going on in each others’ lives but yes we miss each other a lot. We miss that crazy batch we were. We miss the madness and the fun we were when we were together. These are the girls who’ll be friends for a lifetime and I know I always have ‘em just a phone call away.

Home…initially was fun. Results were out. I did pretty well. Everything was going on fine…till… something happened. Something that shook me from the insides. Something that hurt me so much, that made me lose my senses and drove me, to say the least, depression. The fear, the agony and the pain that I had to go through for the following months was something that I can never explain to anyone. Probably that kept me away from everyone around me. I went into my shell trying to recuperate but those memories never faded. I lost out on so much because of that…love, career, my last proper holidays at home. It’s just the time I hope it never comes back in my life. I was hurt the most by the person who meant the most to me. I’ve completely lost respect for that person and I don’t know if what we shared between us can ever come back. For trust once lost is lost forever. The more I try to forget it, the more it comes back to me. And for me, if there’s a crack in the relation, you can fill it back but the marks always remain. It’s been some time but those things, those words still hurt. Terribly. Now the only things that I can think of is why do we give someone so much power and control that they are able to hurt us beyond repair. Life should always be in our control, no matter what.

Also, the family lost someone. My grandpa passed away. We all knew it was coming because of his prolonged illness and also because after I and my sister left home to study, he became very lonely. His health started deteriorating. So in a way, its okay. He got relieved of the pain he was going through. But selfish that we all are, I am gonna miss him, his wonderful stories, the way he always cared for us, the way he used to cook for us with all that love, the way he did all his work and our work also tirelessly and in a completely unselfish way and all those wonderful things he did for us! I hope wherever he is, he’s at peace and is happy. May God bless his soul.

So overall the last few months have been such a mixed bag…well more on the darker side. It has made me question a lot of things and made me think about relationships. I don’t know what is to happen in the time to come but the only thing I can say is that I have a hope, just a faint amount of hope that things might just be fine. Even if not the way they were before, but just fine.

The beginning…of the end!

Back to college…feels wierd…no one of our batch is around. All the techies have passed out. Its just a few of us. So many new faces around. But the most important thing that crosses our mind everytime is…this is it! Its gonna end now. 5 years of college and hostel life. 5 years spent laughing, smiling, holidaying, partying, crying, bitching and what not! Scolding the juniors and being scolded byt the seniors. Late nights, nite outs, cooking maggi, long drives, too much gossip. I probably wont miss college that much as much as I’d miss hostel. Its the place which actually taught me how people are and how you should be. The experiences learnt in hostel made me the person I am today. It all struck me last night when I was at the hostel function last night. Seeing the juniors dance and enjoy I just felt that they are so lucky they’ll get to enjoy like this for the next 3 or 4 years while for us its almost over! 

Miss Oju the most these days. Her room was like my second room. One would always find me there instead of my room. And today when she’s not here I just feel like going into her room hoping that she would be there , cracking PJs and making me laugh like ever…and yeah also pampering me and giving me those wonderful surprises!!

I even miss R a lot. He hasn’t been around since a year and half now but I still  miss him. Earlier when he was here life was so much fun. Even though we used to fight like crazy but still at the end of the day the long drive and those crazy and lovely moments we had made up for everything. He was like my protective cocoon. It took me a lot of time to realise that he’s not in college anymore, that he’s not just a phone call away, that he’s not standing there at the corner waiting for me and that on saturdays I wont have him to fight over the menu at dinner. Miss all of that. Miss being pampered spoilt by him! Love would always be there. But college romance is something so different!

I’ll miss all those crazy nights I had with my friends while working for the events at college, dancing like a maniac at 3 in the night even when not drunk, the coffee breaks, the fun we had with juniors, the fiascos we had, the never ending tension but still laughing like crazy, the impossible fitness regimens, going crazy before the final jury…!!

It’s been 4 and half years since I came here but it just seems like yesterday when my parents had left me here…

So here I am trying to cherish each and every moment of the last days of my college life… here I am at the beginning…of the end!

Have a Happy and Peaceful New Year~~

It’s been quite a long time since my last post…Well I was busy with… my family…yea…its like almost after a gap of 3 years I got to spend some quality time with my family. New year’s eve was good too only because we all were together…More of this in the next posts but as of now I’m sharing my first captures of the New year… my uncle and aunt had come to visit us along with their son ( who’s my youngest cousin)… So the first evening of the year was spent playing cricket with him… I, of course was busy clicking pictures…he was busy winning…and my sister losing to him… All in all some great memories captured…! Here’s a look at some of ‘em…

 

all set!

Here we go!

Something he did after hitting each shot!

Look at the bowling action!

Some more action...

Dont ask me what he's trying to do!

some of his usual antics!

Always miss such fun times when am back at college…wish I could always have ‘em close to me…

Btw my bro won… 8-5…

My Love… My LIFE !

Some good thing finally… My sweetheart comes home tomorrow… J

Just the thought of being with her brings a smile on to my face… and by the way am talking of my younger sis… She’s easily the best thing to have happened to me… People say that when parents give more love and attention to one of the siblings then the other gets jealous but then that was never the thing in our case…rather it was the other way round… I would get upset if ma n pa didn’t pamper her much…

I think the happiest moment of my life was when I held her in my arms after she was born… I being more of a tomboy as a kid never played with a doll… But there she was…all cute and smiling… like a perfect doll… tender and oh so delicate… I was scared I might scratch her perfect skin! Though she’s just 3 years younger to me but I’ve always treated her like my own child.

Even today when I go out for shopping the first thing that comes to my mind is what should I buy for her… and then starts the long endless list of this and that…and huh…

Now we meet each other barely once a year or may be twice for a week or two but then when we do it’s the best time together!!

She’s one person for whom I’ve felt unconditional love truly…no matter what she does…right or wrong…my love for her can never go and I can do absolutely anything to see her smile!

It would seem that am someone who’s too protective of her and all that…but yes I am to a certain extent but still I’ve always let her take her own decisions and seen to this that she learns everything the proper way… and yes she’s not just the kid which seems…its just the way I see her… she’s much more mature and the way she handles me when am down and low I feel like she’s the elder one!

The best thing about her is definitely her innocence… she’s still that kid at heart … she tries to be bitchy and all that sometimes but then with that face…its impossible!! I may be in the worst of moods and temper but just one look at her or even her pic makes me smile… J

She’s the perfect sister I could’ve asked for… and I wish if ever I have a daughter she’s just like her! I can’t imagine my life without her and am so grateful to God that he gave us the perfect gift in her form… my perfect doll…my best friend…!

I cant wait for her to come home…and the fun that I am gonna have with her… and when I sometimes look at her childhood pics I just pray to God if she could again be that small cute child again… so that I could just hold her in my arms again…now she’s too heavy for that!!

Love ya darling… you make our life so beautiful with your innocent charm…J

God bless!

Terrible things…but then…

Terrible terrible things happened in Mumbai… They make you feel sad, angry, helpless…but then a few days pass and we all move on… Its not just the spirit of Mumbai but the human spirit in general… To move on with life

People back home are relieved that I came back the very day it happened in Mumbai as I was a regular traveller on the local trains in Mumbai…my office being close to CST.

I am relieved that everyone I knew there is safe and sound.

Strong reactions coming from people all over…from people belonging to different sections of society…

The efforts put in by the commandoes, the police force, the hotel staff..all of ‘em heroic…brave… make us feel proud…

The poignant stories about people who lost their lives…

But then…what next? Nothing…for almost of us life will go on…and we’ll move on…

What is right? Just to let it fade into memories…or react strongly and do something about it…punish the enemy…change the system…?

I dont know at all…

Just found this piece of article…and thought of sharing it…

http://www.straight.com/article-173074/gwynne-dyer-terrorists-are-marginal-keep-them-way

I salute all the heroes who’ve put their country and other’s safety before theirs and offer condolences to the families who lost someone…

Glorious past…uncertain future…

Few weeks ago I had been to one of the oldest standing structures in Mumbai-The Watson Hotel. Currently known as The Esplanade Mansion, it is the oldest cast iron structure in India and is located in the Kala Ghoda region of South Mumbai. It was also the first place in India to screen the Lumière Brothers’ Cinematographe invention. It was one of the swankiest and costliest hotels in those days and only the British were allowed in it then (which include the likes of famous author Mark Twain).
A famous story goes that Jamshetji Tata, the famous businessman wasn’t allowed entry into it which made him open up the very famous Taj Mahal Palace in retaliation. And subsequently after the owner’s death the hotel deteriorated and is in complete shambles today. Currently listed as a Grade IIA heritage structure by the city’s heritage commission, the sight that the interior and exterior of the building bear is abysmal. (A Grade IIA heritage structure is one which allows internal changes in the building and some minor external changes, all subject to approval by the Heritage Commision). The atrium which was once used for parties and ballroom dances is now being used as a dumping ground by the residents. The façade of the structure has completely been ruined by small time shops and shabby and out of place signages and display boards. The upper floors have been painted in weird and out of place colors (imagine a cast iron structure being painted in an orange and blue color combination). The beautiful iron columns have been plastered and at some places covered with RCC! The internal structure has also been totally damaged by adding temporary partitions everywhere which are totally inappropriate to and inconsiderate of the original structure.
A few years back when famous architect Renzo Piano visited the city and saw the condition of the building he publicized its appalling condition as a result of which the building was listed in “100 World Endangered Monuments” by the World Monuments Fund, a New York-based NGO.
When I went in trying to take photographs, I was rebuked by the ‘owner’ there. And when I mentioned that am a student of architecture who needs some photographs to study the structure and propose something new for it, I was asked to pay an exorbitant amount of money just to take photographs of the dumping yard (atrium) and the rest of the offices. I could somehow just manage to get some external photographs.
The kind of rich heritage that this structure has and the kind of respect that is being given to it is sadly disturbing. Though some kind of work is being done by the Kala Ghoda Association on reviving the structure, still the task which lies ahead of them is huge. Asking the tenants to move out and relocating them to a new place is a daunting task which lies ahead of them considering how ‘cooperative’ the tenants are. I don’t think most of them would even be knowing that the place where they work is a heritage structure and one of the world’s most endangered monuments.
The same stands true for most of the places and structures in India. We boast of a rich cultural heritage and history but how many of us are actually aware of this and more so are working towards this. There are a few people who are involved in all this work and are doing the best they can. But all this needs a lot of support from the government as well as the people. I just hope that not only the Watson hotel but several other structures which are in a bad state today get to have a glorious future equivalent to their past.

Home again!

Ya…I am back home again…thanx to some sad things going on in college…
Oh and its really cold out here…feels good to be able to feel winter actually otherwise in Mumbai u can just dream of it…!! Dunno why people even have the collection of winter or fall clothing in places like Mumbai…
Anyways…I just reached yesterday and had to go to a wedding party wid my parents…It was okay…and i was sooo tired and sleepy… plus the food was really bad…Met some people Dad knows and they all didnt even know me ( of course coz m never ever home )….
And guess what would a person meeting you at a wedding want to discuss wid u…the demise of a close relative…a young lad who passed away in a tragic accident…. GAWD!!! I hate such people…they just dont stop amusing me….I mean how on earth can you talk to people about such things which make them sad when you are at a party…and that guy was actually smiling while asking us about all the details….insensitive morons must say!!!
This incident happened within 10 mins of being there…so you can very well imagine the mood we were in for the rest of it…huh…people!

Had a good sleep…but still tired and sleepy… huh… love being home…. rather being lazy at home!!!